22...what next?

I'm feeling really weird about turning 22, not like I'm old or anything. I just feel like I don't know who to feel. 22 is boring, it's just one more year after 21, 21 is young and fun and exciting and when we're supposed to go crazy and dance and live life. What are we supposed to do at 22? I feel like I'm getting lost, I found myself and now with this other year it's closer and closer to me needing to have my life together and my future mapped out. But I'm no where near that. At 21 it's okay to still be "figuring things out" is it still okay at 22?

Holy Crapsicle!

Are we seriously half way through October already?!?! Things are settling into place quite well : ) I'm loving my new job, there have been some rough times but all and all it's really great. I'm going to a Halloween party this weekend. I'm excited but also kinda nervous? lol I just am not really a party person, I'm super and outgoing and fun when I'm in situation I'm comfortable with, but at parties/bars I'm just a weird socially awkward person! Haha I feel like I'm going to be a wall flower (on another note, I need to the movie "Perks of Being a Wall Flower"). I mean I'm sure it'll be fine, just gotta start talking!! lol I'm going to be a race car girl, idk what that exactly entails, but, I'm making a checkered flag! Okay yea, enough for the boring post...

Lost Family

Generally this blog will be pretty upbeat, however right now I just need to vent about something that is weighing me down.

It's awful how one day someone is in your life and the next they are not. How someone can one day be a part of your family and the next...not. I spent most of the time that they were in my family hating them not wanting to accept them, then when I do they're gone. Off to start a new life with someone new. I guess that's how life works sometimes, things don't always work out how you expect. Things that aren't in your control, like at all, are hard to deal with. It's someone else making the decision and you have to deal with it. You have  to just accept what is going on because you REALLY have no say so. These are the things in life that I have the hardest time dealing with. When I have no control over a situation then I have no way in making things go the way I want them to. No way to protect myself, no way to protect my heart. That's why I have a hard time with death. I can't save lives, I can't make people not do things to hurt themselves. Life without hurt would be an ideal one but it also would be one without growth. I truly believe that hurt is what shapes us. When you hurt you learn. So although I'm crying right now at the thought that I have someone who used to be a part of my family now has a new family who they are perfectly happy with. Even though I'm sad, I'm happy for them. None the less it sucks.

Screw divorce...